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GRIEF EVOLVED & SELF-EXITING
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“I would swim over the deepest ocean,
The deepest ocean to be by your side.
But the sea is wide, and I can't get over.
Neither have I wings to fly.
Oh, if I could find a handsome boatsman
To ferry me over to my love and die.”
~ Carrighfergus, traditional Celtic ballad



     The idea that grief can become transformed and then evolve into a positive experience may be unfathomable. Until such a transformation begins to happen, it can seem impossible to imagine anything good coming out of such pain. People who think they mean well may tell us that “it’s time to get over it” because they find our grief too painful to witness or be around. But their words, from religious sentiments to outright demands, fall to the ground, neutralized by the forcefield of our pain.
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    Many people are aware that they cannot return to the known past, but are afraid to let themselves move forward into the unknown. Trapped by this fear, where can we go? We need go no further, for we are already in the reality of the present, which is all there is anyway. Grief evolves by our staying with it in the present moment as consciously as possible. Paradoxically, this seemingly non-movement is actually subtle but real inner movement through the grief. We have the choice of avoiding the grief, which keeps it activated but static, or to move with it and through it, which transforms it.
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        It was true that I had a small circle of caring, concerned friends who knew that I was suffering in my bereavement, and they all made themselves unconditionally available to me. But my pain wanted none of their company. It wanted only release, and it seemed to make sense at the time for me to take my life into my own hands and effect my own transition. It was inevitable anyway, so why not get an early start? I knew from my intimate experiences with the Risen that there wouldn’t be any judgment whatsoever against me if I killed my body. And yet something within me struggled against such an act, and I could not determine why it simultaneously felt like both a positive and a negative undertaking. Confused, I finally came to a place where I could do no more than simply rest, unable to rationalize any further.  While I rested, someone Greatly Risen began sharing insight about the issue of self-exiting.
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   Greetings, gentle medium. Let us proceed. The elements of earth are but a few motes of dust whirling around in the clouds within clouds within clouds of untold, unnamed, uncounted, unending elements. We the Speaker are such a cloud. We are slowing down within our cloud to take temporary residence within your cloud, which is your world.

    “Taking your life cannot end your life, and this you know well, medium. Because this cannot be done, there is nothing to do about it. Judgment does not await anyone who wishes to move the life force expression from one form to another, regardless of intent, self-judgment, or any such kind of sorrowful self-interest. The movement of such a one can be observed, assisted, eased, and loved. The movement of life from one form of energy to another form of energy is a sacred event at all times, and there is no heresy, no blasphemy, nor even error to be assigned to any such movement. Every body is appropriate, wherever perceived to be, and whenever perceived.
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    “However you leave, whenever you leave, you bring exactly who you are, and your accomplished awakened consciousness. There is no comparison against others offered in judgment upon you, no criticism ever offered, although this you may do to yourself, to the degree that you do now, and possibly even more so.
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    As the flower has been manifested out of the greatest wisdom to seek to fulfill its experience as completely as it can, so have you been manifested, and so might you seek. At the end of your earthly experience, at the moment of release, there is simply that much more opportunity for joy in the knowledge that you have lived in whatever way you deemed fulfilling. The more you can perceive, the larger will be your universe. There is great joy in the self-awareness of self-expansion from awakening, and there is ever-increasing wisdom and serenity in that joy.
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      “When all seems without hope, that is the time to let go even of hope, and accept it as an opportunity to experience feelings of compassion, peace, and love toward self and others. Learn the peace of resting in That-Which-Is-Greater-Than-You and yet which is also Who-You-Are. You are Beings and, simultaneously, Becomings.
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